Two Former Teletubbies Arrested On Drug Charges

TELETUBBYLAND – Tinky Winky and Dipsy, both of whom saw moderate fame as child stars on the hit children’s television series “Teletubbies,” were arrested Tuesday morning on drug charges. Dipsy was spotted snorting cocaine (aka blow, gutter glitter, nose candy, snow, jack-up, powder, etc.) off of the large television screen imbedded in Tinky Winky’s stomach while the two lounged on the artificially green grass near the futuristic dome where they reside.

After arresting Tinky Winky and Dipsy, police searched the “Tubbytronic Superdome,” and found large stashes of cocaine (aka candycaine, snort, wacky dust, bazooka, c-game, flake, etc.) hidden behind a large, dizzying pinwheel that “appeared out of fucking nowhere,” according to Officer Jake Palmieri. “I’ve seen some fucked up shit, but this?” he said, pointing to a giant giggling sun with the face of a baby resembling the late Chris Farley. “This takes the cake.”

This is not the first time controversy has surrounded the Teletubbies. In 1999, Tinky Winky aroused the attention of televangelist Jerry Falwell, who alleged that Tinky Winky was a “gay role model,” an assumption made simply because the Teletubby sported a purple triangle on his head representative of gay pride and carried a purse.

Since “Teletubbies” went off the air in 2001, all four of the original Teletubbies have fallen from fame, unable to secure any other roles after having been typecasted as acid-tripping, gay babies.

Tinky Winky and Dipsy are currently being held on $5,000 bond.