LOS ANGELES – Actress and junkie Lindsay Lohan filed an unprecedented lawsuit Tuesday afternoon, alleging that everyone named Lindsay is infringing on her single-name notoriety, and that “those bitches should pay.”
“Not only are they using my name without being me or even as pretty as me, but most of them also don’t even have a single DUI,” a completely shitfaced Lohan told reporters in her home Tuesday evening while hugging the toilet bowl where she intermittently spewed a combination of vodka, baby carrots and Percocet.
“It’s obvious why all these girls want to be just like Lindsay,” Lohan’s agent Nick Styne said. “But let’s face it – there’s only one person worthy of the name Lindsay, and it’s the Lindsay who can run over photographers with her BMW and still be adored by dozens of fans.”
Full details of the suit have not yet been released.
