“Secretary Spread” Now “Cheeto Ass”

BENTON HARBOR, MI -- In an era of political correctness, terms such as “secretary spread” (used to describe the fat ass that often inflicts women who spend eight hours a day in a desk chair) are being replaced with more appropriate terms.

Because “administrative assistant spread” didn’t have quite the same ring to it, colloquialists have coined the term “Cheeto Ass” to describe the administrative assistants’ plight. “It really embodies the whole problem, too. It’s not just sitting that’s causing fat asses,” says area colloquialist Don Stephens. “The dietary decisions these people are making play a big part, too. I mean, look at Debbie over there,” Stephens says, motioning in the direction of his administrative assistant Debbie Russo. “She makes at least two trips to the vending machine every day, and believe me, she’s not choosing the low-fat granola bar. She’s pressing “B-5” for the Cheetos every time.”

Are you reading this from your desk chair right now? If so, you should probably consider cycling to work, Cheeto Ass.