ORLANDO—A little more than a year after scientists determined that Pluto is not technically a planet, researchers have now determined that Disney's Pluto is not technically a dog. In response, scientists have demoted him to “Disney Cartoon Character.”
“We’ve discovered through extensive research and DNA testing that Pluto isn’t technically a dog,” said NASA researcher Dr. Harold Jordan. “The fact that we couldn’t extract any sort of DNA from Pluto was our first indication that something didn’t equate. Further tests proved that the so-called 'dog,' Pluto, is actually just animation."
The Walt Disney World theme park in Orlando, Fla., closed down early this morning, and the Disney Land theme park in Anaheim, Calif., will not open today. Theme park executives say they’ll spend the day organizing Pluto’s execution, which will take place tomorrow.
“At 9 a.m. tomorrow, Pluto will be hanged for treason from the Swiss Family Robinson Treehouse in the northwest corner of the Disney World theme park,” theme park executive director David Bradas told reporters. “Afterwards, we’ll serve cookies and punch in celebration of the imposter’s demise.”
Pluto could not be reached for comment, but sources say he peed on the carpet when he heard the news.
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