NEW YORK – Cookies, candy, materialism, obesity. This is the message Santa Claus is sending to our nation's children, and some activists want to see it stopped, arguing that promoting a life of excess is one of the worst things a role model can do.
"That fatty is ruining my childrens' perceptions of what's right, wrong, healthy and unhealthy," said Robin Stanford, a yoga instructor from New Haven, Conn., who has three children under the age of 10. "When I told my kids they couldn't leave cookies for Santa on Christmas Eve because cookies are high in saturated fat, they all started crying and saying Santa wouldn't bring them any presents if they didn't leave cookies. It seems like all of a sudden, everything is about cookies and presents. That old porker has turned my kids into materialistic, gluttonous beasts."
When asked to comment, Claus said he never had any intentions of ruining kids' lives. It just happened. "I guess I never saw cookies and presents as bad things before," he said. "Now that I see what I've done to the children, I'm vowing to turn my life around."
Dr. Andrew Young, a gastroenterologist at the Mayo Clinic, says he's been consulting with Claus to see if gastric bypass surgery might be a viable option.
"At this point, he's too far gone for a low carb diet and exercise to be effective. In fact, test results showed that Mr. Claus actually has high fructose corn syrup running through his veins instead of blood," Young said. "That's generally not good."
In the meantime, concerned parents like Stanford say Santa needs to shape up or ship out. "He disgusts me," Stanford said. "You won't see this mommy kissing Santa Claus underneath the mistletoe, unless he drops about 75 pounds and loses the ZZ Top beard."
"That fatty is ruining my childrens' perceptions of what's right, wrong, healthy and unhealthy," said Robin Stanford, a yoga instructor from New Haven, Conn., who has three children under the age of 10. "When I told my kids they couldn't leave cookies for Santa on Christmas Eve because cookies are high in saturated fat, they all started crying and saying Santa wouldn't bring them any presents if they didn't leave cookies. It seems like all of a sudden, everything is about cookies and presents. That old porker has turned my kids into materialistic, gluttonous beasts."
When asked to comment, Claus said he never had any intentions of ruining kids' lives. It just happened. "I guess I never saw cookies and presents as bad things before," he said. "Now that I see what I've done to the children, I'm vowing to turn my life around."
Dr. Andrew Young, a gastroenterologist at the Mayo Clinic, says he's been consulting with Claus to see if gastric bypass surgery might be a viable option.
"At this point, he's too far gone for a low carb diet and exercise to be effective. In fact, test results showed that Mr. Claus actually has high fructose corn syrup running through his veins instead of blood," Young said. "That's generally not good."
In the meantime, concerned parents like Stanford say Santa needs to shape up or ship out. "He disgusts me," Stanford said. "You won't see this mommy kissing Santa Claus underneath the mistletoe, unless he drops about 75 pounds and loses the ZZ Top beard."
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